Miserable

Hello my Saturday, favourite day of the week <3,

Well, today feels like family day at home cuz evryone is at home doing their own thing.
For me like always wake up in the morning around 10 tune in to mtv with my mum and doing the puzzles, 30% completed, yay me!. so while doing this puzzle i talked to my mum about my friend is having a birthday lunch at parade 2morrow in this mahattan fish market. so long since i step into that place. Anyway, she said i cant go because she scared that ppl will talk bad bout me for happen. I was like no this is a different friend from my old school. Still its a NO. i felt heartbroken. Weird to feel like that but yes i felt heartbroken.

whole day kept me thinking in my dark room. Am I gonna be like this forever? Do I have to be an anti-social? my life gonna be really miserable. its not just recently. but since high school everytime my friends asked me out. my answer would be a no, or they dont even bother to ask since they know i cant come. yes it hurts. It also hurts when seeing pictures of my friends having fun, when i'm not in the picture. Whatever it is, i'm jealous!

gosh hw i wish i can cuddle up with my bff, hold hands, sharing food, lol, webcam, try clothes in changing room,kissing, (kidding) :P, and i've always wanted to go karaoke, i went once with guys but it felt weird abit. actually i dunno whos my bff. Do i have one? whoever it is, lets go karaoke or euphoria :D. Shit like i can go anywhere now! I just wanna have fun :/ help! It would be nice to have at least 2 bffs. dont feel lonely. where the hell are my good old friends? please find me okay!..